To upgrade, or not to upgrade (Hamlet’s Lament)

A technology-minded friend of NapaShakes submitted the following Ode to Code:

To upgrade, or not to upgrade: that is the question:

Whether ’tis nobler in the core to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous coding,

Or to take arms against a sea of hackers,

And by opposing delete them? To reboot: to suspend;

No bytes; and by reload to say we end

The eye-strain and the thousand unnatural shocks

That flesh is heir to, ’tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish’d. To reinstall, to suspend;

To suspend: perchance to crash: ay, there’s the rub;

For in that void what worms may come

When we have shuffled off this cabled coil,

Must give us pause: there’s the respect

That makes calamity of long shelf-life;

For who would bear the pages and emails of time,

The sys-admin’s wrong, the proud vendor’s contumely,

The pangs of despised features, the law’s delay,

The insolence of Office and the spurns

That patient merit of unworthy tasks,

When AI itself might its quietus make

With a bare reformat-kin? who would fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat beneath a congested network,

But that the dread of something post deletion,

The undiscover’d WAN from whose bourn

No packet returns, puzzles the log

And makes us rather bear those bugs we have

Than download others that we know not of?

Thus cryptography does make cowards of us all;

And thus the native hue of screen resolution

Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of shadows,

And enterprises versions of great pith and moment

With this reboot their bit stream turn awry,

And lose the name of computation. – Software you now!

The fair XPhelia! Nymph, in thy orisons

Be all thy backdoors remember’d.